Challenge

     As this year draws to a close I find myself thinking back over the last twelve months and what God has done in my life over the past year. To say this year was hard is an understatement and it has not been hard for just our family but our friends have experienced much hardship of their own. Going through this and watching our friends walk through what they have has not only given us strength as a family but  it has also challenged my walk with God. I find myself spending more time in prayer and reading my Bible more then ever before.
     The year began as each year in our home with an anniversary but not the joyful kind. The sorrowful kind it marked the ten year anniversary of the death of our third son Morgan Zachary  who was born to soon on Jan. 1, 2000. I miss him in our life and can't wait to meet him some day Darcy and I are both looking forward to the day when our son will introduce us to Jesus because as parents you always think you will be the one introducing your children to him and not the other way around.
It also began with one of our dear friends having not one, but two surgery's on a cancerous growth, she is a wonderful wife and mother of three. This fact hit me hard it was like being hit in the gut "what if it were me?" played over and over in my mind. I found myself praying all the time as the Bible says pray with out ceasing, and I did while driving, cooking, cleaning I was praying for my friend, her family and her doctors. After the second surgery and some testing she was given the great news of a clean bill of health. What a blessing and a faith builder for myself. However before this news was given to us one of our other friends lost their father to his fight with cancer. As we reached out to them and their family with child care and prayer I was again brought into Gods presents but in a different way. This family was grieving the loss of a strong very hands on father one that had been present and very involved in their families life. As some of you know I was raised by a man who was not my biological dad and I love him so much but he did not enter my life till I was seven years old. My little girl heart was damaged in unspeakable ways until he came into the picture. So as I watched this family and the sorrow that they were going through God began to speak to me about his love for me as his child. How much he treasured me as his child beginning to heal those places in my heart that I has hidden from him. He is such a wonderful father one of love beyond compare.
     Still reeling from all this news an other friend was told her father had cancer and it was terminal, her mother was still in treatment for cancer at this time. I watched as my close friend dealt with decisions about care and treatment of her parents. Her sister and husband and other family members rally around her helping with decisions and all that went along with this difficult situation. My friend had only a very short time with her dad after he was diagnosed,before the Lord took him home. My son Kristian is close friends with my friends son. God chose to work not only in my life but in Kristian's as well at this time. It was in the area of sympathy and how God wants us to be available for our friends during hard times. This meant that Kristian would attend his first funeral it was not easy for him but in the end he was glad that he was there to lift up his friend and see how God can use you even in unpleasant situations. All of the above happened in the time frame of five weeks.
     Then the blow that would hit closest to home. My biological uncle passed away I had not seen him since my grandfathers funeral when I was 19 he was a sweet man whose life had not been very easy. The funeral and loss were hard however it was the dealing with my biological mother that was the hardest she is an alcholic and is often  very angry. I have had very little to do with her over the last twenty four years, but this is where God picked to meet me in my anger and resentment what an ugly place lay within my heart. During this time he washed over me with healing and gave me his view of my mother and who she is to him. I had a true ah ha moment  "Jesus died for her too! He loves her just like he loves me." To say there was many tears and much repentance on my part is putting it lightly I was humbled in away that only God himself can do. Now I am prayer for her and her boyfriend I still find it hard but as that childhood song says "he's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars. The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient he must be he's still working on me."
     At the end of March one of my dear close friends told me she had cancer I was feeling at this point that I wanted off this ride I knew God was in control and that he is sovereign I have no doubt of that but it just seemed like the first three months of the year were hard and now more I found my self saying "really God more, I don't know how much more I can take." He spoke to me here in that still small voice "you don't have to take any of it lay it at my feet" Matt. 11:28-30 says "Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." How great, what a promise I love the God I serve because he know what I need when I need it. In the months that followed God has done many other great things and has allowed many other hard things. After many months of treatment my friend went home to be with the Lord she has left behind  her three beautiful girls and her wonderful husband  but she also left behind a legacy she was such a strong christian believer even in the end she challenged all around her to open their hearts to the great gift God has given us in his son Jesus. Her faith was strong for all to see and God has done great things even in the wake of this tragedy. During one of my last visits with my friend I asked if when she got to heaven if she would find Morgan and give him hug for me she smiled her legendary smile and said "of course". So as I am fast approaching the new year and the anniversary of Morgan's death I can't help but think of my friend holding him for me and smile.
     God has done great things in my life this passed year, he has challenged my faith in so many ways and I hope that he continues and even if it means more hardship that is OK because I know God is in control and He knows the beginning and the end, and more than anything I want his will in my life!
    
  

Following

As Christians Darcy and I want God's will in our life so therefor we must follow. As we seek his will through scripture and prayer we then must let him lead us where he would have us go. Sounds simple right? Not so much. In some things we are teachable and we follow well in other areas, areas where we do not want to let him have control. We hold back, we go in the other direction. Thank goodness for grace because our loving Heavenly Father patiently waits on us. I wish that I would show this kind of patients with my own children but alas I fall short way to often. So where he leads we will follow. The path might not always be straight and it might not always be easy but when God is leading when he is in control the end result is always perfect.