The Birthday That Never Was

On May 18, 2000 I was due with a little boy however he was born on Jan. 1, 2000 way to soon. We named him Morgan Zachery. Each year when this day rolls around I do a lot of thinking I wonder, what would he be like? What would he look like now? What kind of cake would he want for his birthday? amid all this wondering I weep and have my moments of emotional breakdown. I know in my head that my little man is safe in the arms of Jesus, he is far more loved there than we know how to love here and one day he will introduce us to Jesus which will be amazing. But during these days I wish my head could reason with my heart as it is having a time of selfishness in wanting him here. So I pray that God brings me and Darcy peace and gives our little boy a cuddle and kiss for us and tells him how much we love him each day till we meet.

The Night Before Florida

Twas the night before Florida....
....when all through the Ford home,
not a child was found sleeping,
in the entire house.
The luggage was stacked by the front door with care.
With hopes that Mr. Art would soon be there.
The children were restless squirming in their beds.
While visions of Soarin danced in their head.
With Mamma on her keyboard, and I with the rhymes,
we put our heads together to pen some good lines.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter.
With the 5th time to the bathroom I asked " what's the matter".
Each child in their turn responded to me "I have to use the washroom"
"I need a drink of water" and "I just can't sleep"
From the back of our eyelids with thoughts of our flight,
we wish you "Good Bye" we will see you in a fort-nite.

The Surprise Weekend!

So the surprises started on Fri at about 7:30 Darcy and I had been texting back and forth about what had happened that day, when his text read "What Not to Wear?" I thought to myself how attentive that he would know what I would be watching but as you may know What Not to Wear was moved to Tue. nights when the fall t.v. schedule came out. So I responded "no, Say Yes to the Dress" which was followed by " oh it is hard to hear through the door" mean while I got off the bed to go and look into the hall outside my bedroom door, in my head I was thinking " this is one cruel joke if he is not there". It was no joke, there my man stood holding his phone and grinning at me! That was the best surprise I have had in a long time. earlier in the week I had found some great prices on flights to Orlando and talked about it with Darcy we decided that we would make the arrangements with our timeshare and buy the tickets, so I did. We intended not to tell our kids till we were getting on the plane. I went about telling all their art and dance instructors so that they were aware we would be away in April but that the kids did not know. Then on Sunday afternoon as we were driving home from having lunch with friends the radio station we were listening too asked people to text in what they were planing on doing for their spring break. I leaned over and whispered to Darcy should we text in and see if the kids catch it, he grinned at me and nodded. So I texted in and in a few minutes they read it on the air, they did not however read who had sent in that text. The text read " We home school and are taking our break in April not March. We found a great deal on flights to Orlando Fl. Jenn in Stony" Shaye immediately says "is that us?" Darcy responds "why would you think it was us?" Shaye "well we home school and have a time share in Florida" mean while I could not wipe the grin off my face I said "yes it is us". This was followed by squeals and screams of delight and excitement. The surprises did not stop there, Darcy was scheduled to return to Fort McMurray on Mon. afternoon Kristian 15Th birthday. but it turned out he was able to stay till Tue. morning. What a great weekend we had!

Beautiful Women!

Our Bible study this week was focusing on beauty and what that looks like in  women. One of the questions asked who is a women you know that is beautiful and why? The answer I had for this question was long to say the least, there are so many women who I know that are beautiful. One thing rang true about all of them they had a personal relationship with God, they cultivate that relationship and when I look at them I see Christ in them. They are like a mirror reflecting God's image back at me. Each one of these lady's I count as a blessing in my life and I thank God that he has allowed me to know each of them. They all have different attributes that they are graced with but each is a characteristic of God, as we are made in his image. Thank You all you lovely lady's who show me daily what Christ looks like, and inspire me to be more like him!

12 Hours of Driving, - 40 and A Flat Tier

Well we did not have to wait till this weekend to see Darcy, he called last Friday morning and told me that he would be getting Sunday off. This was at 10:00 am so in a rush the kids and I hurriedly packed our things. My van was not putting out as much heat as it should and seeing as how the temperature was steadily dropping I asked my great neighbour to put some cardboard in front of the radiator. Which he came home from town to do so (Thanks Jeff). By the time we left the house it was 12:30 pm and the snow was starting to fall, but as I drove the Lord allowed me to keep ahead of the storm. We made it to Ft. McMurray by 5:30 and checked into our hotel room. The kids and I spent most of Friday evening and all day Saturday in the pool visiting with Darcy a bit in the evenings. Sunday we spent as a family and went swimming and drove out to see where Darcy is working. Monday morning we all got up at 5:30 to say goodbye, it was - 40 and we had to let the van warm up for an hour. When we did check out the lady at the front desk told me to drive safe as there was freezing fog and the roads were very icy. So away we went into the very frigid early morning darkness, going was slow on account of the roads being so slick. Once the sun came up the roads seemed better for awhile, but just before Grasslands the wind had picked up the snow was coming down and blowing all around, making visibility next to nothing. It was at this point that I heard the sound that no driver wants to hear in a snow storm "thunck, thunck, thunck" yes you guessed it a flat tier, front driver side tier to be exact. My van is equipped with an on board air compressor, that I have never used I might add. So like any well trained farm girl I got out the manual to figure out how to use it. The maintenancy princess side of me was crying and a little distraught. I figured it all out and managed to get 20 lbs. of pressure into the tier before limping the last 11km into Grasslands.I was however a little put out by the 50 some odd vehicles that passed me with my tail gate up,  my kids hanging over the back seat and an air hose stretched to the front of the van. I found the Okay Tier dealership and had them look at it. They did not have a new tier and the old one was just not safe so they took the rear tier off the driver side and put it on the front as my van is front wheel drive then they had an used tier that they put on the back. Not of course before they dropped the spar to see if it would work but it is only a dummy tier, this took reading the manual as well because they were unsure as to how to get the spar out from under the van. So after an hour and a half we were putting more gas in the van just in case we had more adventure ahead of us. Thanks to the Lord we made it home by 1:30 with no more incidence! So that was our trip in a nut shell but even with all that went wrong I would not trade it for spending that little bit of time with Darcy! Love and miss you my man!

8 Sleeps!

Counting down sleeps started when our kids were little and we still use the terminology today. For any major or even minor event that our kids or us were looking forward to we would count the sleeps. We are counting down in our home. Not for a vacation but for seeing Darcy again. Darcy went to work in Ft. McMurray on Nov. 28Th. and has been away from us for 38 sleeps in all since then. He was home for a short time in Dec. and now it looks like he will not be back till the beginning to mid Feb. So this means that next week I will brave the roads and drive me and the kid to see him. We all miss him desperately but I keep reminding myself of how good God is to be providing us with work and the means to go and see him. Please be praying for me and the kids as we travel and for Darcy who is working!

Challenge

     As this year draws to a close I find myself thinking back over the last twelve months and what God has done in my life over the past year. To say this year was hard is an understatement and it has not been hard for just our family but our friends have experienced much hardship of their own. Going through this and watching our friends walk through what they have has not only given us strength as a family but  it has also challenged my walk with God. I find myself spending more time in prayer and reading my Bible more then ever before.
     The year began as each year in our home with an anniversary but not the joyful kind. The sorrowful kind it marked the ten year anniversary of the death of our third son Morgan Zachary  who was born to soon on Jan. 1, 2000. I miss him in our life and can't wait to meet him some day Darcy and I are both looking forward to the day when our son will introduce us to Jesus because as parents you always think you will be the one introducing your children to him and not the other way around.
It also began with one of our dear friends having not one, but two surgery's on a cancerous growth, she is a wonderful wife and mother of three. This fact hit me hard it was like being hit in the gut "what if it were me?" played over and over in my mind. I found myself praying all the time as the Bible says pray with out ceasing, and I did while driving, cooking, cleaning I was praying for my friend, her family and her doctors. After the second surgery and some testing she was given the great news of a clean bill of health. What a blessing and a faith builder for myself. However before this news was given to us one of our other friends lost their father to his fight with cancer. As we reached out to them and their family with child care and prayer I was again brought into Gods presents but in a different way. This family was grieving the loss of a strong very hands on father one that had been present and very involved in their families life. As some of you know I was raised by a man who was not my biological dad and I love him so much but he did not enter my life till I was seven years old. My little girl heart was damaged in unspeakable ways until he came into the picture. So as I watched this family and the sorrow that they were going through God began to speak to me about his love for me as his child. How much he treasured me as his child beginning to heal those places in my heart that I has hidden from him. He is such a wonderful father one of love beyond compare.
     Still reeling from all this news an other friend was told her father had cancer and it was terminal, her mother was still in treatment for cancer at this time. I watched as my close friend dealt with decisions about care and treatment of her parents. Her sister and husband and other family members rally around her helping with decisions and all that went along with this difficult situation. My friend had only a very short time with her dad after he was diagnosed,before the Lord took him home. My son Kristian is close friends with my friends son. God chose to work not only in my life but in Kristian's as well at this time. It was in the area of sympathy and how God wants us to be available for our friends during hard times. This meant that Kristian would attend his first funeral it was not easy for him but in the end he was glad that he was there to lift up his friend and see how God can use you even in unpleasant situations. All of the above happened in the time frame of five weeks.
     Then the blow that would hit closest to home. My biological uncle passed away I had not seen him since my grandfathers funeral when I was 19 he was a sweet man whose life had not been very easy. The funeral and loss were hard however it was the dealing with my biological mother that was the hardest she is an alcholic and is often  very angry. I have had very little to do with her over the last twenty four years, but this is where God picked to meet me in my anger and resentment what an ugly place lay within my heart. During this time he washed over me with healing and gave me his view of my mother and who she is to him. I had a true ah ha moment  "Jesus died for her too! He loves her just like he loves me." To say there was many tears and much repentance on my part is putting it lightly I was humbled in away that only God himself can do. Now I am prayer for her and her boyfriend I still find it hard but as that childhood song says "he's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars. The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient he must be he's still working on me."
     At the end of March one of my dear close friends told me she had cancer I was feeling at this point that I wanted off this ride I knew God was in control and that he is sovereign I have no doubt of that but it just seemed like the first three months of the year were hard and now more I found my self saying "really God more, I don't know how much more I can take." He spoke to me here in that still small voice "you don't have to take any of it lay it at my feet" Matt. 11:28-30 says "Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." How great, what a promise I love the God I serve because he know what I need when I need it. In the months that followed God has done many other great things and has allowed many other hard things. After many months of treatment my friend went home to be with the Lord she has left behind  her three beautiful girls and her wonderful husband  but she also left behind a legacy she was such a strong christian believer even in the end she challenged all around her to open their hearts to the great gift God has given us in his son Jesus. Her faith was strong for all to see and God has done great things even in the wake of this tragedy. During one of my last visits with my friend I asked if when she got to heaven if she would find Morgan and give him hug for me she smiled her legendary smile and said "of course". So as I am fast approaching the new year and the anniversary of Morgan's death I can't help but think of my friend holding him for me and smile.
     God has done great things in my life this passed year, he has challenged my faith in so many ways and I hope that he continues and even if it means more hardship that is OK because I know God is in control and He knows the beginning and the end, and more than anything I want his will in my life!